4 Murder at Breakfast Page 8

  Since Betty and I were merely friends who enjoyed each other’s company and Lou and Thelma Lou were an item, we dropped Betty off first. Normally, we would take Thelma Lou home next and I would sit in the car while Lou walked her to the door and stole a kiss before he left, but I told Lou I needed to get home quickly and asked if he could take me home before dropping off Thelma Lou. As I said that, I noticed Thelma Lou’s smile before she could hide it. I would make sure to share that with some of the rest of the guys on the force. I was tired of always being the butt of their jokes. It was Lou’s turn to be on the receiving end. Maybe I could embellish my story by saying that Lou stumbled in around 4:00 in the morning, with lipstick all over him and his tie all askew.

  +++

  I really didn’t have any reason to get home, but I couldn’t help myself when I thought of an idea after walking into the house. I had to see if there really were people on YouTube using the Wii Fit to work out, or if Lou was the only one. I had planned to read some more, but before I read I went to the computer and Googled.

  I was relieved when I found out my finely sculptured body was not on this website, although I did find a few guys, and women, who looked similar to what Lou and I looked like. I also found some that looked like my Eunice back when we started dating, all adorned in beachwear, or something similar. I was particularly fascinated with one young lady advertising for a zoo. I am not sure which one, but after gazing at her gyrations for a few seconds, I was ready to change my mind about Wii and Wii Fit. I could be persuaded to recommend it as something women might try.

  12

  I had just stepped from the shower on Monday morning when the phone rang. Only a few people have my number, so I ruled out anyone trying to sell me a Wii. Then I realized that most of the ones who would call to sell me a Wii had my number. I answered the phone anyway.

  “Hello, Cy. I wanted to go ahead and call because I know that you always leave the house by the crack of noon.”

  “Very funny, Frank. I must remember to get you a boatload of bodies. If it wasn’t so hard on me, and if someone didn’t have to die for that to happen, I’d really try to see to that.”

  “Is that the kind of thanks I get for working day and night, so that you can know how your victim died?”

  “I assume she was poisoned.”

  “The victim ingested poison, but I don’t think you’ll like to hear the rest of it.”

  “You mean that the poison came from my house?”

  “You know more about that than I do, but what I do know is that she was not poisoned at lunch. Her stomach contents told me that she didn’t even eat any of the food on that plate, but someone did. I could tell by analyzing the fork. Also, she was moved after she died.”

  “So are you telling me the murderer ate the food that was missing from her plate, or did the cook taste it before sending it up?”

  “That’s what we pay you to do, Cy, find out who did it. Me, all I can tell you is that she was poisoned, but not by the food on her plate. None of the food we found in the kitchen poisoned her, either. And evidently none of the other residents have been poisoned, since you haven’t called me to come back to that building.”

  “Are you telling me this happened when she was a child?”

  “No, from what I can tell, from the condition of the victim and the temperature in the room, the victim died of something she ingested Friday morning, probably between 7:30-9:30. The food found in her room didn’t arrive until later. Under normal situations, I would say the victim ingested the poison thirty minutes or so before she died, so we are looking at 7:00-9:00. The earlier time means the poison could have been ingested right before she ate or it was added to her breakfast, the later time means that it was caused by someone or something after she returned to her apartment. ”

  “Thanks for clearing everything up for me, Frank.”

  “You don’t want me to do all your work for you, do you, Cy?”

  “Just get me a confession. I’ll pick up the murderer.”

  “It sounds like you’re in a hurry to get back to your easy chair, or from what I hear, maybe you want another turn on Lou’s Wii Fit.”

  “Not you, too?”

  “No, not yet. I’ve just enjoyed your gyrations. Although I can tell you that you’ve inspired a lot of people around here. Some have seen the video and said if Dekker can live through that maybe I can, too. You’re the hero of the department.”

  “Can we get back to the autopsy?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got a couple of other things for you, Cy. We found a piece of cheesecake in that small refrigerator she has in the apartment. I analyzed it, too. Nothing. Also, we took her toothpaste and toothbrush just to make sure she wasn’t poisoned when she brushed her teeth. There was no sign of poison on either one of them. I guess that’s all I have for you. You’ll have to take it from here. Are you and Lou going back over there this morning?”

  “We might not go back over there until this afternoon. We might have a brain session at my place this morning.”

  “Is that another word for a nap?”

  “No, it’s just that we need to take a look at this and see who we might need to talk to about what.”

  “Well, have fun. I’ll let you know if I get anything else.”

  “And I’ll let you know if I get any more bodies.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you will.”

  +++

  I hung up the phone, tried to make sense of what Frank had told me. I had a victim who died Friday morning, poisoned. She ingested the poison just before breakfast, while eating breakfast, or shortly after breakfast. Did someone poison her in the dining room, or in her room? And regardless of where she was poisoned, how did someone get into her room? Evidently someone did, since there was a plate of food in front of her. And who ate part of that food? Maybe we should pump the stomachs of everyone who lives there, so we can see who ate her food. I knew it was far too late for that. I also knew that it was far too early for me to figure out anything having to do with the case. I had a shoebox full of suspects. What better alibi than for someone to poison Mrs. Higgins at breakfast and be gone shopping when most of the people figure Mrs. Higgins died while eating her lunch? And what better opportunity would someone who works there have than to wait until the residents had gone shopping and then enter Mrs. Higgins’s apartment and murder her? Then a fly flew into my ointment. The first scenario would only work if Martha didn’t try to remove the trays before the shoppers arrived back at Parkway Arms at 4:00. Anyone with a key to Mrs. Higgins’ apartment could return from shopping, use a key no one knew about, and slip into the victim’s apartment sometime before dinner, but then I remembered that more than likely her door was latched all day, and no one could have gotten in that way. But then wouldn’t the same circumstances be needed for someone who was there all day? Whoever sneaked into the apartment would have had to have done so before the maids shampooed the carpet, or after the carpet dried, and the maids had almost finished shampooing the carpet before the food arrived. So, he or she would have had to have waited until after the carpet dried to arrange such a cozy lunchtime death. So, regardless of whether she was murdered by a resident or a member of the staff, whoever did it would have to have done it prior to anyone leaving the building, and the tray couldn’t have been planted until after everyone returned. Why? Because she was dead before anyone left, and no one walked on the hall carpet until everyone returned. As usual, Lou and I had a lot of work to do before finding our murderer. It sounded so complicated that I’m not sure I could have repeated my thoughts. Luckily, I knew where to begin.

  +++

  I picked up my phone and dialed the number one investigator anywhere, Sam Schumann. Lucky for me, Sam works for the Hilldale Police Department.

  “And a good Monday morning to you, Cy.”

  “How did you know it was me?”

  “I knew there was a death the other night, suspected homicide. I knew you wouldn’t be able to solve it without me.”

&
nbsp; “I’m just trying to see that you keep drawing those paychecks, Sam.”

  “Cy, I know how all of this will create problems for your schedule.”

  “You mean with Lou and me being retired and all.”

  “That, too. I was thinking more of what it would do to your workout schedule. Does this mean it will be a while before you release another one of your videos?”

  “I haven’t released one.”

  “Sure you have, Cy. I’ve got the evidence. Laurel and Hardy would be proud of you.”

  “And where did you get a copy?”

  “Remember, Cy, I’m a cop. I know people.”

  “Yeah, any idea how I can get even with those people?”

  I heard laughter on the other end of the line. I gave him a moment and then got down to work.

  “Listen, Sam, believe it or not, the reason I called doesn’t have anything at all do to with Lou’s Wii, but it does have to do with the murder you mentioned. Get ready to write. I want you to check on some people.”

  “Fire away.”

  “Okay, let’s start with the victim, Katherine Higgins. I understand she’s leaving behind a lot of money. See who gets it. I also want you to check on all the people at Parkway Arms, those who work there and those who live there. Here are their names and the little I already know about them. Margaret Draper manages the place, probably has greater access to any part of that building than anyone else, except maybe the handyman. Martha Carpenter is the cook, and the victim did die of poison, so she definitely needs some looking into. Wally Gentry is the handyman, probably has a key to anything in that place. The two maids are Margie Washburn, who was Mrs. Higgins’ maid, and Ginny Adams, the third floor maid. Those are the only employees.

  “Two of the other residents are away. I’ll give you their names in a minute. I’ll just need for you to verify that they really are away and have been the whole time. The other residents include Russell Cochran, who seemed to be sweet on Mrs. Higgins, Christine Hunt, who didn’t like her and wanted to get her hooks into Cochran, Joanne Moberly, who might have had the same reason for wanting Mrs. Higgins out of the way, Hilda Winters, who was supposed to be the victim’s best female friend, and Elaine Jewell, who was on the premises, and lives in the apartment next to the victim. Also, there’s a neighbor, as in an old biddy who lives in a house next to the apartment building. Her name is Hazel Allnut, and I’d like to find some way to put her away for twenty years or so. She was in the building on the day of the murder, but supposedly not at the time of the murder. Still, she needs looking into. The other two residents, the ones who supposedly are away, are Imogene Ingram and Vera Davis.”

  I finished, but heard nothing but silence on the other end of the phone.

  “You still there, Sam.”

  “Sure am, Cy. Just let me know when to start writing.”

  “Very funny. Oh, take your time. I won’t need any of this before noon.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem, Cy. I’ll call you in a few weeks to let you know what day before noon it will be. By the way, is it true what I heard about Lou? Did he really have to go out and buy a complete new wardrobe because nothing he owned still fit him?”

  “I’m sorry to say it is, Sam. He’s fallen off so much that all that’s left is skin and bones.”

  “To tell the truth, Cy, that’s all that’s left of you and me, too. It’s just that you have a lot more skin and bones than Lou does. And of course most of our weight is water. It looks like you’re retaining more water than Lou is now. Maybe you can sneak over to his apartment some night and give him an IV.”

  “Sounds like a plan, and maybe I can steal his Wii Fit while I’m there.”

  “Want to get in some extra workouts, do you, Cy?”

  13

  I hung up as soon as I could. I couldn’t stand to hear that three-letter word any longer. I called Lou to let him know I was on my way to pick him up for breakfast. His voice sounded weaker.

  I plucked my keys from where I keep them each night and opened the back door to leave. I used to leave by the front door, but I found out that I could sometimes sneak out the back door and zip out of my driveway before my neighbor spotted me. I looked around, saw nothing. The sun was up. It looked like another good day. Well, it would have been if I could have gone out to eat with the friend I used to have and then come home to read and nap before going out again for lunch.

  I think I whistled on my way to say good morning to Lightning. I was about to slide my key into the lock, when I heard a vulture-like “Surprise” from the other side of my car, and an accompanying bark. I pulled my gun from my holster. Only my quickness of hand kept me from putting a bullet hole through Lightning’s driver-side window.

  “Miss Humphert, how many times have I told you that sneaking up on a policeman is not conducive to living a long life?”

  “I’m sorry, Cyrus, I’m just so excited this morning. I caught the hint you left me the other day, and I went out and bought us something.”

  I looked up, terrified. My neighbor stood holding something that hardened my arteries almost as much as she did. I couldn’t believe that God would punish me like that. And I had even prayed before I left the house. My neighbor stood holding a couple of boxes with the letters “W i i” on them, and one of them also had the letters “F i t.” I was so overcome that I failed to notice that her rat had untied my shoelaces. Even the dog knew you don’t step on a Wii board with shoes on.

  “Cyrus, our very own Wii. Just for the two of us.”

  “And I hope that you and Muffy are happy with it.”

  “It’s Twinkle Toes, Cyrus. You know that. You wouldn’t believe how excited Twinkle Toes was when I showed her the Wii yesterday. She knew it was for her Cyrus, the man whose toes she’ll lick as he Wiis. Oh, Cyrus, can we get started now?”

  I stood there, wondering if I could plead justifiable homicide and get away with it.

  “You may get started now. Don’t stop until you get to the Atlantic Ocean. No, make that the Pacific. It’s farther. Run to the Ocean, put the board down on the water, and hop on. Start doing the hula, and when you start to go ‘glug, glug, glug,’ it means your time is up.”

  “Oh, Cyrus, is this your way of telling me that you want to go away to a deserted island together?”

  “Miss Humphert, I have work to do now. Another murder, you know. Why don’t you go away somewhere, far away somewhere, and take your Wii and your Wii rat, and then send me a postcard when you get there. I’ll send someone to Wii with you as soon as I can.”

  “Cyrus, you know that Twinkle Toes and I don’t want anyone but you. I want us to stand on the Wii board and exercise together.”

  When she said that, I smiled. Not because I wanted to get anywhere near her, but if I could get any two people on Lou’s board at one time, there was a good chance it would break. The board holds up to 330 pounds. Could it be that my two ways of ending any more Wii experiences for myself would be find two people heavy enough to break Lou’s board, or gain enough weight so that I would be over the limit all by myself? Do I see eating three desserts at each meal in my future?

  My next-door neighbor misinterpreted my smile and lunged toward me. I maneuvered to get away from her, but tripped over the shoelace that the mutt had untied, banged my knee on Lightning’s door, and began to hop on one foot.

  “That’s great, Cyrus. Is that one of the Wii exercises?”

  Without answering, I grabbed the door and yanked it open. At the least it would offer me an obstacle between myself and that woman. At the worst it would make contact with her knee and cause her to hop as I had done. Maybe it would conk the dog on the head at the same time. I dove into my car, shut and locked the door as quickly as possible. Only then did I smile at my neighbor. I started the car and shifted into reverse. My neighbor and her varmint jumped out of the way. I would ask for God’s forgiveness, but I would do so with my eyes open and as I drove down the street and away from my neighbor.

  +++


  I stopped by to give Lou a ride to the restaurant where he no longer eats. Well, no longer eats man-size portions of good food. God intended for us to eat everything except what hung from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and since I have never seen that tree, I can eat everything. Of course everything doesn’t mean things man dreamed up, like tofu, and yogurt, and those other things found in an unhealthy food store.

  When I got over my tirade that was not really a tirade, Lou informed me that God’s message for the day was “John Dickson Carr.” A few months ago that name would have meant nothing to me. After reading some of the great classic mysteries, I learned that John Dickson Carr was the originator of the “locked room mysteries.” Could it be that someone had entered the victim’s locked apartment to murder her?

  On the way to the Blue Moon, partly to update Lou on what had transpired and partly as a diversion to rid my brain of thoughts of Lou the Non-Eater, I filled in my partner in crime solving about what Frank had told me. I mulled over our possibilities over breakfast and decided our best avenue was to go back to the murder scene, see if it enlightened us about the murder, and, if not, sit down with Lou and think of questions to ask each of our suspects.

  +++

  I plopped up onto my stool at the Blue Moon and turned to look for Rosie. She grinned and winked at me. I had never known the woman to be drunk, so I couldn’t imagine why she was acting in this manner. She sashayed over to me, looked down at me and said, “Hi, ya, Handsome. How about some hugs and kisses?”

  I turned to Lou and could tell from his look that he wasn’t in on whatever game Rosie was playing. A few women had made me uncomfortable before, but never Rosie. I wanted the Rosie I had come to know, not this woman, although I suspected it was an act. I just couldn’t figure out why.